Former Cabinet Secretary and Ambassador Amina Mohamed has laid bare the quiet pain she continues to live with five years after losing her husband, Khalid Ahmed, saying the years have never dulled her love for him or filled the space he left behind.
In a deeply personal tribute on Wednesday, she reflects on the memories they built together, the family they raised and the grief she says has simply become part of her life.
Writing in a memorial message titled "A Soulmate Khalid, Five Years," Amina described Khalid as the love of her life and the steady presence who brought warmth, reassurance and joy into every moment they shared.
She said that while life has moved forward since his death in July 2021, her heart has never stopped reaching for him.
"It seems impossible that I have learned to count time without you. Some days it feels as though you have only just stepped out of the room and will be back any minute, wearing that familiar smile, asking about everyone's day, making each of us feel as though nothing in the world mattered more than being together,” she said.
"And then reality returns. Five years have passed since I last held your hand, heard your voice, or laughed with you. Yet there has not been a single day when I have not spoken to you in my heart.”
Amina said Khalid had a remarkable way of making life's difficulties feel lighter, crediting his patience, kindness and unwavering support for giving her strength throughout their years together.
She admitted that whenever people ask what she misses most about him, she cannot point to one thing because every part of him is irreplaceable.
"People often ask what I miss most. It is impossible to answer, because I miss everything," she wrote.
She remembered Khalid as someone who made every person feel seen and appreciated, regardless of who they were or how briefly they crossed paths.
"You made every person feel important. Family, friends, colleagues, neighbours, even strangers who met you only once they all walked away believing they mattered," she said.
According to Amina, Khalid listened with genuine care, remembered the smallest details about people and celebrated their achievements without seeking recognition for himself.
She also recalled the laughter that became one of his defining qualities, saying it had a way of bringing people together and lifting the mood wherever he was.
"It wasn't just a laugh; it was an embrace. It filled every room before anyone noticed. It invited everyone in. It made children laugh harder, adults forget their worries, and strangers become friends," she wrote.
Amina said their children continue to honour their father's memory by living according to the values he instilled in them through kindness, fairness and compassion.
She revealed that she still catches herself wanting to tell him about ordinary moments in life, imagining the advice he would have shared or the joke he would have used to make her smile.
"I still catch myself saving stories for you. I still imagine what you would say, the advice you would give, the joke you would make to stop me taking life too seriously," she said.
Reflecting on the journey of grief, Amina said she no longer believes it fades with time, but instead becomes something people learn to carry.
"People say grief becomes smaller. I don't think that's true. I think life simply grows around it," she wrote, adding that the love she has for Khalid "has become quieter, deeper, and somehow even more certain."
She thanked her late husband for the love he gave their family and for the lasting example he left for their children, saying his influence continues to be felt long after his passing.
"There is an old belief that we die twice: once when our body leaves this earth, and again when our name is spoken for the last time. If that is true, then you will never truly die. You are spoken of too often, remembered too fondly, loved too deeply."
"You were our greatest blessing. You still are. You are loved. You are missed. You are thanked. Every day."
Khalid Ahmed died in Nairobi in July 2021 after a short illness.