Psychologist says unresolved childhood trauma shapes adult relationships and behaviour

Clinical psychologist Dr. Maureen Amani Mugenya has warned that unresolved childhood trauma continues to affect many people well into adulthood, influencing their mental health, relationships, self-worth and ability to cope with challenges long after the original experiences have passed.

Speaking during a Radio Generation interview on Friday, Dr. Mugenya said trauma is more common than many people realise and often stems from experiences that are overlooked or dismissed during childhood. She noted that while people encounter different forms of trauma, the lasting impact is largely shaped by how those experiences were handled and whether they received adequate support at the time.

"Everyone has had a share of trauma. The question is, how did you cope with that trauma at that particular time? You've gone through grief, separation, physical abuse, child molestation, sexual abuse, or neglect. As a child, you're naturally looking for belonging and attachment, but life introduces experiences that interfere with that innocence."

According to the psychologist, many people mistakenly associate trauma only with major events such as war, disasters or political unrest, yet some of the most damaging experiences are those that appear ordinary but leave deep emotional wounds.

"People think trauma is only the big things—war, political unrest, floods, drought, divorce, or grief. But there are the small traumas that happen in life, and those are what often leave the biggest impact. Emotional neglect, bullying, being called names, or abuse may seem small, but they leave a deep imprint on the nervous system. Trauma affects both the mind and the body."

She explained that the effects of traumatic experiences vary depending on how individuals understand what happened to them and whether they had trusted adults who helped them process those experiences.

Using bullying as an example, Dr. Mugenya said the incident itself is not always what determines the long-term effect, but rather the meaning attached to it and the support available afterwards.

"Trauma is not really the event. It is the meaning you make out of what happened to you. What kind of support system did you receive? Did you have a safe place where you could tell your parents what happened? Someone who comforts you can help prevent that experience from becoming a lifelong burden."

She noted that children who grow up without emotional safety and support are more likely to face difficulties later in life, including low self-esteem, anxiety, depression and challenges in social interactions.

"When caregivers constantly criticise a child instead of protecting them, the damage becomes even greater. These are the people who later struggle with anxiety because they fear standing before others. Their self-esteem goes down, and some eventually develop depression, self-harm tendencies or severe personality difficulties."

The psychologist further observed that unresolved childhood experiences often influence the type of relationships people form as adults, with many unknowingly repeating familiar patterns from their early years.

"If you keep finding yourself in the same unhealthy relationships, you need to ask yourself why. People who have gone through painful experiences often attract what is familiar. If you grew up in a violent or emotionally abusive environment, your brain may register that as normal, making it difficult to recognise healthy relationships."

Despite the challenges associated with trauma, Dr. Mugenya stressed that recovery is possible and encouraged those struggling with emotional wounds to seek professional help.

"Every human being has the potential to change, given a chance. The brain has the capacity to rewire if it is placed in a safe environment again. Healing takes time, professional guidance and patience because traumatized people are often hyper-vigilant. They need reassurance, trust and consistent support before they begin to feel safe again."

She concluded by urging people not to ignore emotional struggles, saying therapy can help uncover deeper issues that often lie beneath everyday challenges and provide a path toward long-term healing and recovery.

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